Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:08 pm

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Guest on Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:29 pm

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Chinese Proverbs...


Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

How many of you when you read this chinese joke was reading it with a chinese accent in your brain?
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:42 pm

Bman wrote:How many of you when you read this chinese joke was reading it with a chinese accent in your brain?
Guilty as charged.

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Canuck on Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:46 pm

I don't have to do that. I translated it in chinese then read it.

ne ho ma.
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Markwes on Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:50 pm

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Chinese Proverbs...


Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Those are good. A couple more I recall:

Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.

Man with hand in pants feel cocky.
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Canuck on Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:51 pm

Good ones there Markwes.. lol!
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Thu Aug 07, 2008 9:16 pm

How do priests make "Holy Water"???

They boil the hell out of it! Laughing

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Canuck on Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:02 am

Cincy, coming up on 5 days without any corny jokes Mad
Get crackin bounce
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:01 am

Canuck wrote:Cincy, coming up on 5 days without any corny jokes Mad
Get crackin bounce
Okay, an oldie but a goodie...

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Canuck on Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:20 am

LOL, cheers
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Sun Aug 17, 2008 10:06 pm

What do you call an illegally parked frog?


Toad.

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Markwes on Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:59 am

What do you call a hopeless individual who has nothing to look forward to for the rest of the year? A Reds fan! Oh, I guess that's no joke is it? Razz
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:04 am

I'm going to find a very tall bridge now. Good-bye all.

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Canuck on Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:20 am

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:I'm going to find a very tall bridge now. Good-bye all.

Cincy do you want a bridge stateside or out of state? Razz

This bridge is very tall, drove by there and the ramp to go up from the Oregon side is somewhat intimidating.

http://www.portlandbridges.com/00,DREB1CRW12011,42,0,1,0-astoria-oregon.html
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Markwes on Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:39 am

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:I'm going to find a very tall bridge now. Good-bye all.
Can you at least wait until football season? I might join you once the Bears start playing. Smile
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Guest on Thu Aug 21, 2008 5:21 pm

In honer of doe, sheep and Ann Coulter...


A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Ann Coulter. That evening, the man introduced Ann to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to Ann, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Fri Sep 05, 2008 12:11 pm

Some "Your Momma Jokes"...

Your momma's so dumb she thought the computer screen saver was TV

Your momma's so dumb that when she jumped out of a window she went up

Your momma's so dumb she got hit by a parked car

Your momma's so dumb she heard someone say it was chilli outside so she ran and grabbed a bowl

Your momma's so dumb she thought a telephone was a phone for the T.V

Your momma's so dumb she thinks a quarterback is a refund

Your momma's so dumb she tried to kill herself by jumping out of the basement window

Your momma's so dumb the computer said press any key to continue and she was looking for the any key

Your momma's so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

Your momma's so dumb it took her an hour to make minute rice

Your momma's so dumb she stayed up all night studying for her blood test

Your momma's so dumb I caught her staring at a piece of paper. She sait it was Pay-Per View.

Your momma's so dumb it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Markwes on Fri Sep 05, 2008 4:47 pm

Cincy, are you sure these shouldn't be "Your momma's such a f***ing moron" jokes? Very Happy
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Fri Sep 05, 2008 4:48 pm

Markwes wrote:Cincy, are you sure these shouldn't be "Your momma's such a f***ing moron" jokes? Very Happy
Yep. Trying to keep it clean!

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Markwes on Sun Sep 07, 2008 11:58 am

John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse,'

The second barber turned to McCain and said, 'How about you?'
McCain replied, 'Go ahead, Cindy doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

Did I put that in the right section?
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Guest on Sun Sep 07, 2008 12:20 pm

Not bad.
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Sun Sep 07, 2008 1:56 pm

What is corn's favorite tools?

Answer: Huskie

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:33 am

What's the new telephone number to order Cubs World Series tickets?

1-800-GOT-JUNK Razz

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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Markwes on Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:37 am

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:What's the new telephone number to order Cubs World Series tickets?

1-800-GOT-JUNK Razz
Hey now, stop that! Neutral

I have to ask you to explain the Huskie joke. You lost me on that one.
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Re: Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Post  Cincy Fan 44 on Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:42 am

Markwes wrote:I have to ask you to explain the Huskie joke. You lost me on that one.
Just something stupid I made up. I guess my reasoning is that it would make sense that since corn is in a husk, then it's favorite tools are Huskie Tools. It's a stretch...

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