Funny Sayings

People in the back seat cause accidents...
Accidents in the back seat cause people.

A jeweler sell watches.
A jailer watches cells.

We drive on parkways and park on driveways.

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

These are a riot aound our house:

"Are you done yet?"

"Ouch, you're on my hair"

"You reek of booze and desperation"

"You have been humping the pillow for the last 10 minutes"

Oliver's Army wrote:These are a riot aound our house:

"Are you done yet?"

"Ouch, you're on my hair"

"You reek of booze and desperation"

"You have been humping the pillow for the last 10 minutes"

humpin' the pillow!!!!

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

I like this one...

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
- Robert Orben

“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”

Robin Williams

He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."

1 - Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2 - The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt & leaky tire.

3 - It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4 - Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5 - Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6 - Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7 - If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8 - Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away & have their shoes.

9 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10 - Give a man a fish & he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, & he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

11 - If you lend someone $20 & never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12 - If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13 - Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14 - Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15 - The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half & put it back in your pocket.

16 - A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17 - Duct tape is like "The Force". It has a light side & a dark side, & it holds the universe together.

18 - There are 2 theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19 - Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21 - Never miss a good chance to shut up.

AND

22 - Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill & a laxative on the same night.

The geeky thread made me think of this oldie but goodie.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

Markwes wrote:The geeky thread made me think of this oldie but goodie.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

Reminds me of the old "id10t" error...

Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day... set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life...

Very nice Jill

iberlingirl wrote:"No woman will ever be truly satisfied, because, no man will ever have a chocolate penis, that ejaculates money."

ROFL... Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a baloney sandwich? No? What are you doing for lunch?