Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:

Markwes wrote:I have to ask you to explain the Huskie joke. You lost me on that one.

Just something stupid I made up. I guess my reasoning is that it would make sense that since corn is in a husk, then it's favorite tools are Huskie Tools. It's a stretch...

Ah, okay. I hadn't heard of Huskie Tools, so I was thinking maybe something to do with the Nebraska Cornhuskers, but that didn't make sense either. Makes more sense now!

And the fact that it was in the "Corny Jokes" thread added to the silliness of it.

Yeah... the huskie and Cubs jokes were pretty much full of fail.

Little Tim's parents were getting a divorce, and there was a custody battle going on to see who Tim would live with. Nobody could really decide, so the judge decided to ask Tim. "Do you want to live with your mom?" asked the judge. "No," said Tim. "She beats me." "That's terrible," said the judge. "I guess then you should live with your dad." "No!" cried Tim. "Dad beats me too."

"Well, if you mom beats you and your dad beats you, who are you going to live with?" said the judge.

Tim thought for a minute. "How about the cubs? The don't beat anybody anymore."

A peice of rope walks into a bar, jumps on a stool and tells the bartender, "Give me a beer."

The bartenders asks, "Are you a rope?" The rope replies, "Yes, I am a rope." The bartender says, "We don't serve ropes here."

Disgruntled, the rope leaves the bar, walks down the street to the next bar, goes in and jumps on a barstool and says, "Give me a beer please." The bartender looks at the rope and says, "Are you a rope?" The rope says, "Yes I am a rope." The bartender replies, "We don't serve ropes here."

The rope leaves the second bar, goes outside and unravels himself into many threads, then ties himself into a knot. He then walks into the next bar down the street, jumps up on a barstool and tells the bartender, "Give me a beer please." The bartender looks at him ans asks, "Are you a rope?"

The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?" said the shocked teacher. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Psssst', but it didn't move"!!!!!!

There's an old geezer sitting on a bench at a mall. Some punk looking kid, with multi-colored hair, tons of piercings, and tattoos, comes walking by. The old man just stares at the kid. As the kid walks by, he notices the old man is staring at him, so he says "what are you staring at you old fart? Didn't you ever do anything crazy when your were younger?" The old man replies "Yeah, I *ucked a parrot once and I was just wondering if you were my son"

A large amount of Viagra was stolen from the corner drug store. Police think it was committed by a hardened criminal..

Gusto wrote:A large amount of Viagra was stolen from the corner drug store. Police think it was committed by a hardened criminal..

Not bad Gusto...hopefully the judge won't go soft on him...

When John McCain takes viagra, he gets taller.

Viagra takes Jack Bauer to get a hard on...

Gusto wrote:A large amount of Viagra was stolen from the corner drug store. Police think it was committed by a hardened criminal..

If they don't find the evidence, he will certainly be a hard man to prosecute.

Hey, good one Pez!

Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?

To the dump to the dump to the dump dump dump...

Hey Cincy, did you run out?

LTRT wrote:Hey Cincy, did you run out?

Never! Just haven't had time lately. I'll deliver one for you though soon. That's a promise during a campaign season you can take to the bank!

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Source: some joke website

(I should admit that not all of my corny jokes are of my own intelligence. I sometimes copy them from other websites and pass them off as my own without giving proper credit. I don't wanna be a HoosierCincy or a Cincy Biden.)

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Source: some joke website

(I should admit that not all of my corny jokes are of my own intelligence. I sometimes copy them from other websites and pass them off as my own without giving proper credit. I don't wanna be a HoosierCincy or a Cincy Biden.)

Can you see Russia from your house then? With the eskimo joke you might be Cincy Palin.

Canuck wrote:Can you see Russia from your house then? With the eskimo joke you might be Cincy Palin.

No, but I have been to Russia when I lived in Ohio! (There's actually a town called Russia, Ohio...but they pronounce it "Rue-shee.")

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:

Canuck wrote:Can you see Russia from your house then? With the eskimo joke you might be Cincy Palin.

No, but I have been to Russia when I lived in Ohio! (There's actually a town called Russia, Ohio...but they pronounce it "Rue-shee.")

When I used to drive U.S. 24 to Wabash, I used to see signs for Mexico, Chili (I know, different spelling), and Peru near the same intersection.

Credit Jay Leno (or his writing team to give PROPER credit)...

What's the difference between OJ Simpson and Clay Aiken? OJ's not coming out anytime soon.

How many country music stars does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to put the new one in, and one to sing about how much he misses the old one.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a ceiling lightbulb?

Five. One to hold the new lightbulb, and 4 to turn the ladder...

What do you call row of rabbits that all takes one step back at the same time?

A receding 'hare'-line...

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher who caught his hand in a gate while working with cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually, the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President.
The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
"You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with."

Oliver's Army wrote:While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher who caught his hand in a gate while working with cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually, the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President.
The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
"You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with."

That's not a corny joke Ollie. Heck, it might be classified as a real story...