Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

How do we know the "toothbrush" was invented in Kentucky? Because if it was invented anywhere else, they would have called it a "teethbrush."

Okay, it's been awhile (probably not long enough for some), but the disdain for country music in one of the other threads reminded me of this one...

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

Your dog comes back, your truck works, your wife comes back, etc...

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Okay, it's been awhile (probably not long enough for some), but the disdain for country music in one of the other threads reminded me of this one...

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

Your dog comes back, your truck works, your wife comes back, etc...

Hey, I feel cheated...LOL, this is not a joke, this is real.

Growing Old

I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around
when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my
wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking
for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair,
big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white
shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours first."

Most old guys are helpful like that.

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Growing Old

I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around
when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my
wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking
for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair,
big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white
shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours first."

Most old guys are helpful like that.

Where's this Home Depot at? Everytime I'm in there all that's in the place is a bunch of 30-50ish guys with big guts and I mean big.

LTRT wrote:Where's this Home Depot at? Everytime I'm in there all that's in the place is a bunch of 30-50ish guys with big guts and I mean big.

Which one are you married to?

meta4 wrote:

LTRT wrote:Where's this Home Depot at? Everytime I'm in there all that's in the place is a bunch of 30-50ish guys with big guts and I mean big.

Which one are you married to?

My wife's barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen where she belongs.

Ick.

Everytime I go to home depot I ask if they have black caulk...

pez wrote:Everytime I go to home depot I ask if they have black caulk...

Big tube or little tube?

I always get the big one... I know how to handle big caulk.

With most things in life, tubes of black caulk aside, getting the larger one gets you more bang for the buck.

Marge Schott once complained about cigarette butts being tossed into the mens urinals at reds games... first because it cost an additional $30 an month to pay the janitor to remove them, and second because it made them really hard to relight.

pez wrote:Marge Schott once complained about cigarette butts being tossed into the mens urinals at reds games... first because it cost an additional $30 an month to pay the janitor to remove them, and second because it made them really hard to relight.

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:

pez wrote:Marge Schott once complained about cigarette butts being tossed into the mens urinals at reds games... first because it cost an additional $30 an month to pay the janitor to remove them, and second because it made them really hard to relight.

The other question this raises is, what the hell is she doing in the men's urinals?

The Pittsburgh Pirates now play their games at beautiful PNC Park. Little do people know that their ballpark was the first one that made it possible for attendees to still watch the game when they had to take a leak...hence the name...Pee-N-See Park...

On a serious note about the dearly departed Margie though...I give her immense credit for having her seat behind the Reds dugout and signing autographs (for FREE) to the youngsters that lined up. While other owners were up in their nice luxurious suite, she was doing her small part to win over the fans.

Canuck wrote:

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:

pez wrote:Marge Schott once complained about cigarette butts being tossed into the mens urinals at reds games... first because it cost an additional $30 an month to pay the janitor to remove them, and second because it made them really hard to relight.

The other question this raises is, what the hell is she doing in the men's urinals?

I think she went there to pee...

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:On a serious note about the dearly departed Margie though...I give her immense credit for having her seat behind the Reds dugout and signing autographs (for FREE) to the youngsters that lined up. While other owners were up in their nice luxurious suite, she was doing her small part to win over the fans.

Yeah, I can't count the number of times I've wanted the autograph of a sexist, racist, cheap she-devil.

C'mon guys, you're gonna hurt Cincy's feelings. Sounds like Marge was the object of Cincy's lustful desire...

Why do the police hate investigating Hillbilly crimes? Because their are never any dental records and the DNA is all the same.

In honor of "Octo-Mom", Dennys is offering a new breakfast special...

You get 14 eggs, no sausage, and the person next to you has to pay the bill.

One proton says to the other "I lost an electron". The other says "Are you sure?". The first says "I'm positive!".

Markwes wrote:One proton says to the other "I lost an electron". The other says "Are you sure?". The first says "I'm positive!".

clap clap...

Blond Handywoman

A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire
herself out as a "handywoman" and started canvassing the
neighborhoods. She went to the front door of the first house
and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he
said. "How much will you charge me?"

The blond quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything
she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing
the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to
believe all those dumb blond jokes we've been getting by
e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to
collect her money.

"You finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I
gave it two coats - no extra charge."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and
handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porch -- it's
a Lexus."