Cincy Fan's Corny Jokes

Why did they only make one Yogi Bear?

Because the 2nd time they tried, they made a Boo Boo...

Two canibals are eating a clown. One get a strange look on his face. The other asks what's wrong. The first canibal says, "This tastes funny."

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Two canibals are eating a clown. One get a strange look on his face. The other asks what's wrong. The first canibal says, "This tastes funny."

That seems eerily similar to this one.

Markwes wrote:
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Markwes wrote:

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Two canibals are eating a clown. One get a strange look on his face. The other asks what's wrong. The first canibal says, "This tastes funny."

That seems eerily similar to this one.

Markwes wrote:
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Oy, sorry about that. Didn't mean to rain in on your parade. I should've looked closer...

What did one casket say to the other casket?

Is that you coughin'?

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Oy, sorry about that. Didn't mean to rain in on your parade.

I bet that's what LSU said to OSU

Hope that didn't burn too bad

LTRT wrote:

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Oy, sorry about that. Didn't mean to rain in on your parade.

I bet that's what LSU said to OSU

I think LSU stole that from Appalachian State...

I heard this on the radio yesterday the guy was drunk when he called in.

What do you call your sister in distress? A crisis.

Where do you learn how to make ice cream? At sundae school.

There were more I just can't remember them. Maybe that was intentional...LOL

This 'could' be inappropriate, but still kinda funny...


When does a cub scout become a boy scout? When he eats his first brownie.

What's a pirate's favorite place to eat?

Arrrrrrrrrby's.

A hungry clock goes back four seconds...
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Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Cincy where are the jokes? It has been a few days.

Canuck wrote:Cincy where are the jokes? It has been a few days.

I was thinking the same thing...

Did you hear they've done away with phones in China? Seems there are too many people with the last name "Wing" and "Wong", that too many people were winging the wong number...

LOL, that one made me really laugh...

Thanks

Two guys were out hunting in Europe...one was from Poland and the other guy was from the former Czechoslovakia. When they didn't return from their hunting trip, their families became worried, so they went looking for them. When they found their camp site, there was no sign of them, except there were 2 rather large bears (a male and female) sleeping at the camp site. Realizing the bears must have eaten the guys, and wanting to give their loved ones a proper burial, they killed the bears and cut them open to see which one ate which guy.

So they cut open the female first and found the guy from Poland.

Moral of the story: The Czech is in the male.

How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant? With a pink elephant gun, right? Not so fast. Choke the pink elephant until he turns blue, THEN shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant? With a pink elephant gun, right? Not so fast. Choke the pink elephant until he turns blue, THEN shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

To coin a phrase running rampant on this board ... that chit is weak! lol

Little Jeffrey was playing with his train set one day in the Family Room while his mom was doing the dishes in the kitchen. As Jeffrey pulled the train up to the train station, his mom was shocked when she heard him say, "All right you bastards, the train is here, so everybody load up and don't give me any shit."

"Jeffrey!" shouted his mom. "You get in the corner for 5 minutes for using words like that!" After sitting in the corner for 5 minutes, Jeffrey went back to playing with his train. Suddenly, his mom heard him at it again. "OK, you sons of bitches, it time to get on the train now."

Again, Jeffrey's mom sent him to the corner, this time for 10 minutes, hoping he would learn his lesson.

Well, after 10 minutes, Jeffrey asked his mom if he could go back to playing with his train, this time nicely. His mom agreed. So Jeffrey went over to his train, sat down, and said, "OK all you nice boys and girls, it's time to get on the train. Please make sure you put your seat belts on because we're gonna be haulin' ass since the bitch in the kitchen made us 15 minutes late."

"Jeffrey!"

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.'

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the
party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!'

Speeding...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

Cincy Fan 44 wrote:Little Jeffrey was playing with his train set one day in the Family Room while his mom was doing the dishes in the kitchen. As Jeffrey pulled the train up to the train station, his mom was shocked when she heard him say, "All right you bastards, the train is here, so everybody load up and don't give me any shit."

"Jeffrey!" shouted his mom. "You get in the corner for 5 minutes for using words like that!" After sitting in the corner for 5 minutes, Jeffrey went back to playing with his train. Suddenly, his mom heard him at it again. "OK, you sons of bitches, it time to get on the train now."

Again, Jeffrey's mom sent him to the corner, this time for 10 minutes, hoping he would learn his lesson.

Well, after 10 minutes, Jeffrey asked his mom if he could go back to playing with his train, this time nicely. His mom agreed. So Jeffrey went over to his train, sat down, and said, "OK all you nice boys and girls, it's time to get on the train. Please make sure you put your seat belts on because we're gonna be haulin' ass since the bitch in the kitchen made us 15 minutes late."

"Jeffrey!"

That made me think of this one:

Little Johnny and his little brother Billy were in their bedroom getting ready for school.
Johnny asks Billy, "Hey, lets swear at breakfast when mom comes in, I’ve never swore in front of her before, I want to see what she does."
"Okay," said Billy, "but you go first."
Johnny and Billy are at the table when mother comes in and says, "What do you boys want for breakfast?"
Johnny says, "I want some fucking pancakes!"
BOOM! She backhands Johnny and he falls to the floor crying.
She glares at Billy, "What do YOU want for breakfast?"
Billy replied, "I sure don’t want any fucking pancakes!"

was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to so! meeting like 36,000 cars that I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life is dissatisfying or unrewarding.
That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give one the finger? ...... I think not.

An angry German is a Sour Kraut.

Good to know corny jokes abounded centuries ago.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080731/lf_nm_life/britain_joke_dc

Here's a knee-slapper from 1600 BC!
"How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

Chinese Proverbs...


Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.